Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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