I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
