Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
