What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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