Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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