Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
