He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
