did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
