YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
