She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
