I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
is wine microwaveable?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
