so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
