Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
