I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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