You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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