I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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