so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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