hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Slut skills are useful in every country.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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