went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize