Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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