Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
