if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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