just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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