When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
