cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
should my penis look like a turkey
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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