Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
