something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
