well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
