I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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