you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
