Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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