Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
