tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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