How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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