im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
