its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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