It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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