We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
