You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
