I wish I could teleport
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
