im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
