I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
