I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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