I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize