You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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