I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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