Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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