Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
