Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
