Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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