You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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