You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Come see our sink grown plant.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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