Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
