Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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