Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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