My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
