the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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