sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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