dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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