She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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