So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
