The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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