Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
