My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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