He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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