ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
