Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
