I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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