I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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