The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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