Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
