Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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