Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
