Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
