Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
