Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
