I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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