i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
