Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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