Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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