i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
