dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
